Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize