as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
