Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
