did you get engaged???
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
barbara walters just said penis...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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