ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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