i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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