what day is it and did you see me today?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
