How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
