Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
