Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
