you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
