We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
