Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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