my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
