bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
