I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
