Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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