your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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