she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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