You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
