I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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