Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
