he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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