i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
