1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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