dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!