This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting