Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.