I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.