His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
