what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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