I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
