That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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