You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
