I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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