I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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