I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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