Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
