Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
