I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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