I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
