Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
