its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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