My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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