His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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