Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
