I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
