I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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