So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor