When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.