I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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