I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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