dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
