Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
