out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
