I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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