Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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