as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
