i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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