just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
