sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
