Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
