she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
