I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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