I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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