he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
