I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
