1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
