I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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