i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
