I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
