I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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